How to Listen: Ten Steps to Improve Communication
Perfect the fundamental interpersonal skill that says the most about you
Listening isn’t easy for human beings, and listening for long periods of time is even harder. We have extremely active minds that can process information rapidly, not to mention our many time pressures. No wonder we tend to interrupt, talk over people and carry out other tasks while we interact.
To avoid miscommunication, you need to override these natural human tendencies so you can consciously focus on the act of listening.
Here are our top ten steps to help you become a better listener.
- 1. Give the Speaker Your Full Attention
- 2. Use Eye Contact
- 3. Add Reinforcement
- 4. Visualise to Empathise
- 5. Control Your Thoughts
- 6. Open Your Mind
- 7. Never Interrupt
- 8. Ask Questions
- 9. Watch Their Body Language
- 10. Protect Your Time
1. Give the Speaker Your Full Attention
Great communication demands your full focus. It cannot happen while people are partly occupied with other activities. Therefore, stop everything you are doing and focus on the person speaking. Otherwise, you can be perceived as someone who doesn’t really care or someone who believes their own activities are far more important.
Give the speaker your full attention for the duration of the conversation, and monitor yourself to prevent your mind from wandering. Limit distractions by putting your phone on silent or closing your laptop lid. You can even suggest moving to a quieter location so you can concentrate.
2. Use Eye Contact and Other Signs of Active Listening
Eye contact is one of the fundamental requirements of active listening as it demonstrates you are fully focused on the person speaking. Other signs of active listening include nodding and using words to show you follow what is being said, such as “yes” and “okay.”
If the other person doesn’t return the eye contact, bear in mind there may be a valid cause. They may suffer from a lack of confidence, or there may be another reason why they cannot look you in the eye, such as having something difficult to convey. Lack of eye contact doesn’t necessarily mean they are distracted or are being rude.
3. Add Reinforcement
Beyond the standard signs of listening, it helps to say things that demonstrate you are following what the person is saying. For example, you can use prompts that encourage them to continue or go deeper into specific aspects. You can also use words that focus on feelings, such as “You must have been delighted.”
That said, don’t be tempted to rephrase the speaker’s words using your own just yet. The words we choose express our beliefs and feelings about concepts and situations. Prove you are a great listener by using the other person’s words rather than trying to interpret them in the context of your own knowledge and experience.
4. Visualise to Empathise
Empathy is the emotional alignment between you and another person. For example, feeling happy for someone because they have just received a promotion or won an award. However, it doesn’t necessarily happen automatically. The speaker may not be explaining the situation in enough detail for you to experience empathy, or you may not have a relevant experience to draw from. Even our mood can affect our ability to empathise.
To build empathy, try visualising what the person is describing in as much detail as possible. This helps you identify what your own reactions might be in that situation. Furthermore, visualising helps you to give full attention to the speaker.
5. Control Your Thoughts
As we listen, our minds process information instantly. This triggers thoughts about the subject matter, and how we intend to respond to it. However, as soon as we start to do that, it diminishes our ability to fully focus on the speaker.
Without affecting your ability to process the information, try to limit what you do with it. Once the person has finished speaking, think about your response and deliver it. This will cause you to pause, which indicates you listened to everything the person had to say.
6. Open Your Mind
We process information based on what we already know. People who tend to have an open mind listen objectively and are willing to extract value to improve their own understanding. In contrast, people who tend to have a closed mind are more likely to reject information that doesn’t align with their existing understanding.
Naturally, you need to have an open mind to be a good listener. Situations are almost always more complicated than we think they are, and people almost always have facts that we don’t. Therefore, every conversation is an opportunity to become a better thinker.
7. Never Interrupt
Being interrupted before you finish speaking can be extremely frustrating. It infers the other person doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say, or they believe their point is far more important.
Most commonly, we interrupt because we feel we already understand the point a person is making, and we want to speed the conversation up. But what if they were building up to a final sentence that explains their point? Every time we interrupt, they have to try again to get their point across. The fastest conversation is almost always a clear back-and-forth based on a full understanding of what each person wants to say.
8. Ask Questions
Questions help us to understand information so we can respond appropriately. But asking relevant questions is also a sign of active listening as it proves we are absorbing the information.
At the start of a conversation, people can be more reserved. Therefore, getting to the heart of a matter may require some exploration. By asking questions, you encourage them to reveal more about what they actually think and feel. Furthermore, encouraging someone to be more transparent is also a good way to build trust and rapport.
9. Watch Their Body Language
It helps to know a little about body language so you can recognise nonverbal clues as people speak. This will help you gain a deeper insight into what people actually think and feel. For example, do they avoid eye contact? Do they seem distracted? Does their expression reinforce their words, or could it indicate something else?
You can also gain insight from watching their reactions to your reply. This can be extremely useful for guiding your responses.
10. Protect Your Time
Patient and attentive listening is paramount for effective communication, but not everyone we speak to will be as considerate. Occasionally, you may need to break a few rules to protect your own valuable time.
For example, some people may simply want to ‘broadcast’ without caring what you have to say about the matter. This can be time-consuming and fruitless, and you may need to interrupt so you can provide focus, such as asking, “What is the key issue?”
That said, being a patient and attentive listener can rub off on other people. If someone senses they are being listened to, they can feel compelled to reciprocate.
How to Listen
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