Delivering Difficult Messages: Managing the Emotional Journey
Great leaders look beyond the moment they deliver challenging news
Delivering Difficult Messages is a Vital Leadership Skill
Poor delivery of difficult messages is something we all experience at some point in our careers. It can make us anxious, angry and demotivated, and can also widen the psychological gap between employee and employer.
Delivering difficult messages is a skill that every leader must learn so they can minimise the damaging feelings and thoughts that can arise. This is particularly important if the organisation is going through a challenging period.
One of the best approaches is to see difficult messages not as news, but as a catalyst that sends one or more people on a journey. From that perspective, you can deliver difficult messages in the same way that all effective communication occurs – as a story with a beginning, middle and end.
Expressing difficult messages in this manner helps you to explain the situation clearly, and gives people a sense of what happens next. After all, stories are one of the most important ways that human beings make sense of life.
Be Sure About the Journey
Difficult messages have negative consequences, whether occurring immediately or sometime in the future. Either way, one or more employees have a potentially damaging situation to deal with. They may be missing out on a promotion, their project may be closing prematurely, or they may be facing redundancy. The situation could affect one person or an entire organisation.
As soon as people hear difficult messages, they start to make decisions about what to do next. They might question their future in the organisation, start to look for new employment, or even seek legal advice. Therefore, the first step to delivering difficult messages is to be fully decided on what must happen.
If you have yet to choose the best course of action, then it is often better to hold off saying anything. The threat of bad news can be just as demotivating as bad news itself. Furthermore, uncertainty fuels people’s imaginations, and their conclusions may be far worse than the situation itself.
Equally, rolling back on delivering difficult messages at a later date may leave a sour taste, even if people are initially relieved. Undergoing an unpleasant experience unnecessarily is likely to make them cautious about future announcements.
That said, if the bad news is already out there, then you may have to say something to minimise rumours. Simply explain the situation and state that no decisions have been made yet.
Be Clear About the Journey
When the time comes to deliver difficult messages, be firm but sympathetic to the feelings they will evoke. You need to sound certain as you communicate the decision and provide enough justification to prove this is the only option based on the circumstances. Don’t labour on the justification though, as your audience is going to be far more interested in the consequences.
Carefully plan what you are going to say so you don’t fall into the trap of weakening the messages in the hope of causing less upset. Common mistakes include failing to communicate the full extent of the challenge or delivering difficult messages at the end of a lengthy build-up.
The worst outcome is that people don’t fully understand the implications of the situation. If they have to discover them on their own, they may feel you were trying to dodge the issue or mislead them.
As you prepare your difficult messages, think about the principles of good communication and presentation. Be conscious about your body language, particularly eye contact. This ensures you reinforce what you need to say rather than undermine it.
In sensitive situations such as these, make every effort to minimise the risk of miscommunication, including taking cultural circumstances into account if relevant.
Think Emotionally About the Journey
As you are dealing with a highly emotional situation, you need to think from an emotional perspective. Delivering your difficult message may evoke a range of negative feelings such as distress and fear about the future. Think broadly and deeply about the implications for people’s lives, and make sure you acknowledge their upset and concerns.
When justifying the decision, bear in mind that facts rarely evoke emotion on their own. Although the decision you make will be based on facts, it’s up to you to give them an emotional context that people can relate to.
For example, if turning someone down for a promotion, take a moment to acknowledge their disappointment. Rather than explaining what they lacked, mention why you believe the successful candidate was the right choice for the role. This has the added benefit of helping the unsuccessful candidate consider a new direction for their continuing professional development. Where possible, it will also help to offer them opportunities to expand their existing role.
Similarly, if a downturn is forcing redundancies, acknowledge the distress this will cause and explain the reality for the organisation if overheads are not reduced. You can also outline some of the actions that have been taken to try and prevent the need for redundancies.
Collaborate on the Journey
Good leaders make people feel that everyone is on the journey together, rather than delivering difficult messages as ‘hit and run’ bad news and expecting people to deal with it on their own.
Your difficult messages will cause many thoughts over the days that follow, so be open to continuing the conversation and providing further details and advice where you can. You can also be open to receiving ideas about the situation.
Naturally, there is a limit to what you can do, and people will invariably have to make their own choices. Nevertheless, it can be far more motivational if those affected feel the door hasn’t been closed on them.
Look Beyond the Journey
The journey people are about to go on will eventually come to a natural conclusion. Downturns eventually begin to stabilise, and new employment and promotion opportunities arise. Without diminishing the level of upset the current situation will cause, it can help to convey a sense of the future to offset the negativity. It also gives people something to aim for.
This consideration of the future also helps you as the messenger. It reminds you that today’s tough decisions are helping to secure the future success of the organisation.
Delivering Difficult Messages
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