Assertiveness and Personal Impact

Giving more insight into your feelings can easily change what might otherwise be an unhelpful impression!

How Does Assertiveness Affect Your Personal Impact, by Tina Lamb

Tina is an Impact Factory Senior Training Consultant, who has been with us for nearly a decade now.

Changing what we do can be difficult indeed, but changing people’s perceptions of what we do is a whole lot easier.

But what are people’s perceptions of our personal impact? Do we come across as aggressive, assertive, or passive?

Badly Misunderstood

Sometimes our behaviour can be so badly misunderstood by others that conflict seems to be the only outcome.

Yet, if we all had a better understanding of just how those assumptions happen, we’d be in much better shape.

Here follows a true story to show just what I mean; I haven’t changed the names because nobody needs protecting!

In the Restaurant Kitchen

My friend Geraldine is a brilliant and passionate chef, who was working in an exquisite French restaurant with a team of about seven people in her kitchen.

Geraldine is a gentle and sweet person but under pressure, when orders start pouring in, she can snap at someone in the team unexpectedly.

After a snap everyone is slightly nervous and wary of her, thinking she’s angry with them and consequently they make more mistakes.

Bad Habit

Geraldine asked me one day how she could stop, as it was turning into a bad habit.

My answer:

“You can’t, you’ve been doing it so long it’s now ingrained in your behaviour.“

But, there is another approach.

Practical Approach

So taking a more practical approach I asked her why she thought she snapped?

“Because I care so much about everything, how it looks and tastes – and I just want it all to be the best it can be.”

That’s great I suggested. The next time you snap, immediately tell anyone involved that you just really really care about the food.

And when you’re worried everything is not going to be perfect, that’s what happens!

When you feel that pressure try not to apologise because it’s not your intention to offend anyone.

I’m Not Cross

So several weeks passed and Geraldine, also known as Gigi, rang to say that letting people know what was going on for her and that she wasn’t cross with them was working quite well.

The simple assertive behaviour of owning the fact that she had snapped because she cared and felt under pressure seemed to have shifted how others viewed her.

The Best Thing Happened Tonight.

Two more months passed, Geraldine rang again

“The best thing happened tonight!”

It was a typical Saturday night and the kitchen was heaving, tickets in, food out, the pressure was building, and she felt it. She knew what was coming.

But suddenly, Jerome her Sous Chef raised his arms into the air holding a tea towel

“Everybody!”

he bellowed

“Gigi… is about to CARE!!”

There was this moment of silence – Then everyone laughed including Geraldine and the entire team put their heads down and got stuck in!

Tina is our Head of Open Courses and runs our Business Networking, Personal Impact, Assertiveness, Facilitation, and Conflict Management courses.

She has an infectious and enthusiastic training style much revered by her clients.

Read more about Tina Lamb

Listen to – Comedian David Mitchel Talking to Jo Ellen Grzyb about Assertiveness

Find the – Benefits of Being Assertive

Read – Assertive Communication – 5 Tips For Effective Use