20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips
Twenty strategies and approaches to get your needs met in the most effective manner!
Here are our Top 20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips
Twenty strategies and approaches to get your needs met in the most effective manner.
Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further in life than being passive or aggressive.
But few of us were actually taught how to be assertive.
Here are some helpful tips.
- Choose the Right Time
- Choose the Right Place
- Be Direct
- Say “I,” Not “We.”
- Be Specific
- Use Body Language to Emphasise Your Words
- Confirm Your Request
- Stand Up For Yourself
- Be Friendly
- Express Your Opinions Honestly
- Share Your Experiences and Opinions
- Learn to Accept Kind Words
- Eye Contact
- Don’t Get Personal
- Use “I” Statements
- State What You Want
- Look for Good Examples
- Start Slowly
- Reward Yourself
- Don’t Put Yourself Down
1. Choose the Right Time
Imagine you’re dashing down the hall on your way to a meeting.
Lisa passes by.
You call out,
“Can you have the Microsoft project out by Tuesday?”
Because you haven’t scheduled a special time to bring up the issue, Lisa has no reason to think your request deserves high priority.
2. Choose the Right Place
Discuss important issues in a private, neutral location.
3. Be Direct
For example
“Lisa, I would like you to work overtime on the Microsoft project.”
Whether or not Lisa likes your request, she respects you for your directness.
4. Say “I,” Not “We.”
Instead of saying
“We need the project by Tuesday”
say
“I would like you to finish the project by Tuesday”
5. Be Specific
Instead of
“Put a rush on the Microsoft project”
say
“I would like the Microsoft project finished and on Joe’s desk by 9:00 Tuesday morning.”
6. Use Body Language to Emphasise Your Words
“Lisa, I need that report Tuesday morning”
This is an assertive statement. But if you mumble this statement while staring at the floor, undermines any assertiveness in your message.
7. Confirm Your Request
Ask your staff to take notes at meetings.
At the end of each meeting, ask your group to repeat back the specifics that were agreed upon.
This minimises miscommunication.
8. Stand Up For Yourself
Don’t allow others to take advantage of you.
Insist on being treated fairly.
Here are a few assertiveness examples:
- “I was here first”
- “I’d like more coffee, please”
- “Excuse me, but I have another appointment”
- “Please turn down the radio”
- “This steak is well done, but I asked for medium-rare”
9. Be Friendly
Learn to be friendly with people you would like to know better.
Do not avoid people because you don’t know what to say.
Smile at people.
Convey that you are happy to see them.
10. Express Your Opinions Honestly
When you disagree with someone, do not pretend to agree.
When you are asked to do something unreasonable, ask for an explanation.
20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips
11. Share Your Experiences and Opinions
When you have done something worthwhile, let others know about it.
12. Learn to Accept Kind Words
When someone compliments you, say
“Thank you”
13. Eye Contact
Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation.
14. Don’t Get Personal
When expressing annoyance or criticism, comment on the person’s behaviour rather than attacking the person.
For example:
“Please don’t talk to me that way”
rather than
“What kind of jerk are you?”
15. Use “I” Statements
When commenting on another’s behaviour use “I” statements
For example:
“When you cancel social arrangements at the last minute, it’s extremely inconvenient and I feel really annoyed.”
16. State What You Want
If appropriate, ask for another behaviour.
“I think we’d better sit down and try to figure out how we can make plans together and cut down on this kind of problem.”
17. Look for Good Examples
Pay attention to assertive people and model your assertive behaviour after theirs.
18. Start Slowly
Express your assertiveness in low-anxiety situations at first; don’t leap into a highly emotional situation until you have more confidence.
Most people don’t learn new assertiveness skills overnight.
Practice saying no in situations with few consequences.
19. Reward Yourself
Reward yourself each time you push yourself to formulate an assertive response.
Do this regardless of the response from the other person.
20. Don’t Put Yourself Down
Don’t put yourself down when you behave passively or aggressively.
Instead, identify where you went off course and learn how to improve.
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist, coach, and psychotherapist.
Listen to – David Mitchel Talking to Jo Ellen Grzyb about Assertiveness
Find the – Benefits of Being Assertive
Read – Assertive Communication – 5 Tips For Effective Use
20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips
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